It was raining yesterday. I have always loved the rain. And I have had this notion, for the past year or so, of driving down to the beach and sitting in the rain, no umbrella, watching the grey of the sky and the water, feeling the rain falling on me, listening to it beat softly onto the sand. And here was my chance. I excitedly gathered together a chair and a towel, for drying myself when coming home.
Off I was. A simple journey. Rain whipping onto the windshield, grey skies before me. Ah, yes, this was it. But, to my utter disappointment, as I came closer to the ocean, the sky ahead of me was clearing. Alone in the car I said out loud, “Oh, no, you’ve got to be kidding!”. Still traveling towards the shoreline, the droplets ceased to bounce and slide over the windshield. There it was. Light flowing through slivers of sunlit blue sky. The rain was no more. I looked behind me at the dark clouds. I thought of reaching up high into them and pulling the wet and grey back towards me and towards the ocean. I felt so frustrated. I wanted this to happen, just the way I wanted it to happen.
I continued onward towards the shore, parked and got out of the car. There was not even mist in the atmosphere. But, the smell of salt air was gorgeous. I grabbed the chair and walked down close to the ocean’s edge. There I stood for a while and looked up, down, over there and all around. And then I unfolded the chair and sat down. My hopes and expectations for what I wanted were dashed. “What a shame.”, I thought. Yet, when i looked around, it was still so beautiful. The sounds of the waves were so perfect. The contrast of grey skies and clearing blue was wonderful. My eye caught a pelican gracefully kissing the top of a long wave, flying swiftly and expertly along the crest. I watched a seagull from close above me fly what seemed effortlessly out towards the sea’s horizon until I could no longer see evidence of its existence. I looked down in front of me at the stones on the beach: Beautiful ovoid and triangular shapes wearing muted, delicious colors, not one alike. And the cracked shells that once protected life, now give of themselves for new beginnings. And I looked at the sand embracing the shells and the stones so purely. How fortunate I was to be able to experience all of this, within only minutes. How blessed to have health and vibrant senses. And to connect what was there with my mind and my heart. To look at those stones and realize that each is thousands of times larger than the grains of sand tickling their underbellies. And to think of each of us. In relation to the universe, we are smaller than grains of sand. As the water would rise up, over and around the stones, millions of grains of sand would shift and trade places with others. All in this dance of movement. This balancing act of continual change. This exquisite orchestration of evolution.
That moment on the way to the beach, when I realized the rain would not be there, I almost turned back. What I wished to occur, I believed was not going to occur. In my stubbornness and selfishness, I came so very close to missing this entire experience. What I found was a most precious and special gift. What a great loss had I not continued forward, if I had allowed my ever-present ego to lead me away, as it so many times does. I may want this and I may want that. But, I have around me, in this Divine system of existence, so much more than I need, if only i am willing to see and feel, unselfishly, with love in my heart for all. How long will I remember the great lessons of this short trip?
In what seemed the blink of an eye, what initially felt to be disappointment, became a grand life experience that has invoked true gratitude within me for what exists all around us.